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TITLE: Who Says Those Cable News Networks Don't Really Provide Any News?
DATE: 3/13/2003 09:26:00 PM
Courtesy of Eric Muller at IsThatLegal? comes proof that those pundits who cable stations pay top dollars to are worth their weight in gold.
TITLE: White House Flunks Remedial Math -- Will Be Forced To Take Summer Course
DATE: 3/13/2003 12:26:00 PM
George W. Bush -- who has joked that he had a C - average at Yale -- and his Administration pouted openly when learning that they would be forced to give up summer vacation so they can retake a course involving basic addition and subtraction. The Administration funked a test of the most basic math skills when it concluded that it had nine votes authorizing the use of force in Iraq.
"We have Camaroon, Britain, the U.S., and another African nation,"" said Powell. "That's nine.'
Little Jackie Hargrew, age 7, of Split Head, Indiana, was quite certain Powell was wrong. "Isn't that four?" he asked, before becoming absolutely certain. "That's only four." Jackie is in Second Grade at MoreScience Elementary School.
Powell later reconsidered his calculation in light of Jackie's conclusion. He then announced that he believed they had two more countries on board. "Four countries and we've got two more," said Powell. "That's nine."
Donald Rumsfeld later agreed, stating that the sum of any number of countries combined with any other number of countries always equals nine. "Or more," he added.
Bush was particularly put out when he was told that "could not skip" the remedial course. "Man, this whole thing blows," he said.